45 gift ideas from the chaotic asian group chat

gather round the lazy susan, we're spilling the (pu-erh) tea on gift ideas we love and hate.

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As an Asian on the internet who loves holiday gift giving, I was tempted to write a culturally-specific gift guide.

It would be less about helpful gift recommendations (that would be this post), and more about shared connection over experiences, like destroying a box of Ferrero Rocher nuggets with your siblings or drinking leung cha after a rich meal to cancel out the yeet hay.

So I started drafting a Chinese grandma gift guide. I mocked up a Canva collage of dark purple floral print jackets and dried hokkaido scallops.

But then I started spiraling.

Was I perpetuating cultural essentialism? I think I have a good pulse on what the Chinese grandmas I grew up around enjoy, but I can’t speak for the millions of Chinese grandmas out there. I sat on this for a week, wondering if I was falling into the identity typification trap. I stared at my Canva collage: was this any better than the boba lib gift guides recommending Sundae School Broccoli fleeces alongside discounted Simu Liu Cameos? Hm. But then again, starter pack gift guides can just be really funny—and isn’t that enough? Surely there are Asian Literary It Girls out there who would lol at a Helvetica “Four Names” baby tee that says Jia & Hua & R.F. & Min Jin.

Maybe I was overthinking it. White people don’t worry about their gift guides being implicitly white.

Ultimately I decided on a straightforward approach: ask a bunch of Asians I know about their gift picks and put them in conversation with one another—chaotic group chat style. This isn’t really about the gifts. It’s about the vibes and the humor in how vastly different our tastes are. You’ll find recs for $4 MSG and $250 yak wool scarves.

Mostly, it’s just a good time and that is enough.

So, gather ‘round the Lazy Susan and meet the group chat:

• Jacky Tran—Artist & Comedian

• Elissa Suh
  —Film Critic & Food Writer

• Rosa Pyo—Writer & Miffy Historian

• Isabelle Moser—Perfumer

• Andrew Chen
  —Co-founder of 3sixteen

• Baron Ryan
  —Filmmaker & Author

• Christine Mai Nguyen—Ceramicist & Youtuber

• Chris Gayomali
  —Journalist & Editor

• Arabelle Sicardi
  —Beauty Writer (hosting a Smell Swap on 12/14 with
  Sable Yong
  and Tynan Sinks)

• Abi Balingit—Cookbook Author & Baker

*Note: responses have been slightly edited for a conversational effect, and I use some affiliate links below.

Viv: Jacky!!! Let me start by sharing our lore…our friendship started because we were the biggest yappers in that class “Asian American History: 1850-Present.” Since you’re the only person here who knows what I looked like before I had bangs, why don’t you kick us off with the gift ideas :)

Jacky: Yes! I’m down! So my first rec is Ac’cent Flavor Enhancer for your culinarily unadventurous friend. Do you know Logan the TikTok Cucumber Guy?

Viv: I think so. The Troye Sivan dupe looking kid who grates the whole cuke into the plastic quart thing?

Jacky: Yeah. So he normalized MSG. “MSG, obviously,” reached the masses in a way that a well-funded social media account and #CancelPizza ad campaigns couldn’t. Sure, we can get into identity politics and the fact that it needed to be a conventionally attractive white dude to get people to listen, but we could go even further and actually bring MSG to the masses.

In a conventional grocery store, you won’t find bags of Ajinomoto or the chicken bullion powder (no herbs), but they will have Ac’cent! Are we stuck in the same presentability politics that affect Asians Americans since forever? Yeah, but we can at least make it taste better.

Viv: I’m into it. I’d like to see the day when the TikTok dinner party hoes start passing out Glossier x MSG Balm Dotcoms in their goodie bags. What else is on your list?

Jacky: Dinner at your local mom and pop Chinese restaurant. Is anyone else tired of trendy millennial asian restaurants with good branding? Recently I visited a very hype-y restaurant in LA (details obscured because I’m not trying to tear people down).

Viv: Was it Pearl River Deli? Majordomo??

Jacky: My lips are sealed but you know the type…flash photography of the hands and food on Instagram, a website that’s chaotic in a corporate way. But, the food wasn’t good. Quickly, I realized I had paid $25 dollars for a mediocre lunch.

Instead I would recommend going to an un-hip Chinese restaurant and going all-out. A pu pu platter, chicken lo mien, beer if they have it. I like that Chinese-American food is finally getting its time in the sun, but why not do an actual throwback and enjoy some sesame chicken? It’ll probably taste better anyway. Bonus points if there is no social media and the decor is either “oriental escapism” or practically nonexistent.

Viv: What other trendy millennial asian things do we hate?

Rosa: Fucking fly by jing is so overdone.

Viv: Oop! Someone had to say it.

Elissa: The older you are the less likely you are to be into the millennial yassification of things.

Viv: Especially the parents.

Elissa: Yeah. Parents do not want to pay more for better branding and sourcing for what isn't broke and thus doesn't need to be fixed. They don't want fancy soy sauce or upgraded sesame oil. They don't want any of your chic and newly elevated perishable goods. EXCEPT when it comes to tinned fish. My dad will eat that shit up. I buy them every year as stocking stuffers.

Viv: Food is a very safe gift for Asian dads. I ordered fermented black beans, plum powder, and the fruit sampler from Yun Hai and plan to distribute it into little Ziplocs for the family.

Isabelle: Also from Yun Hai—the Tatung Rice Cooker is something I’d gift for family members. I grew up with this in my kitchen and learned how to use it well before I was old enough to cook. It does wayyy more than make rice! My holy grail kitchen appliance.

Andrew: Consumables are always the move for an Asian elder because you know it's going to be used. I've gifted my dad nice clothes and then the next time I see him he'll be wearing my old jeans from high school because "they're fine." But if I get him some caramel covered popcorn, I know it's getting crushed within days.

Viv: What else is a tried and true gift for the older generation? Down puffer jackets and comfortable house slippers are usually well-received.

Andrew: I was raised to never show up empty handed when visiting someone's home. Oranges in a red plastic shopping bag were de rigeur, or a box of Ferrero Rocher candies. For footwear: I really dig Merrell's 1TRL program and have my eye on these quilted mules that I would definitely make bodega runs or take the dog for a walk in. Decidedly urban tasks for an outdoorsy footwear style, but I am who I am.

Viv: Classic. Growing up nibbling on Ferreros during the holidays is the reason why I love hazelnut flavored everything now. You’ve also influenced me because how come I can’t stop thinking about the pink version of the Merrells??

Isabelle: If you live in NYC, Kamwo Herbs has 八珍湯 Ba Zhen Tang (Herbal Soup base). Just ask for it in store and they sell it by the pack that they portion prepare for you in store. Each costs around $7 and I usually buy 2-4 packs at a time. For those in other states, they have a substitute you can order online: Meridian Immunity Boost Soup Base.

Viv: Omg yes can we talk about the Traditional Chinese Medicine adjacent gift ideas?? I remember Chris wrote a great piece on the history of ear seeds this year.

Isabelle: The soup base is perfect for the cold months and promotes circulation and immunity. Just slow cook with chicken or pork ribs. No picky eaters allowed here!! Tip: I add dried goji berries for sweetness (which Kamwo also sells). Also, Té Company Excellent Formosa Tea Sachets are perfect for gifting anyone. You can break the sets up, so it’s the perfect way to share specialty Taiwanese teas. My favorite is the Jade Rouge Tea.

Viv: We are on the same wavelength because I just tried these Goji Berry Collagen Gummies from a YINA, a Bay Area TCM skincare brand. Tart, sweet, and jiggly. They also make a Ginseng Lip Treatment for pre-order that feels and smells SO luxurious in an herbal way. Cue: “Hi Vogue, my name is Michelle Yeoh and this is what’s in my bag.” I do indeed have a discount code…VIV15 if you wanna use it.

Rosa: Have you tried the Laneige Gummy Bear Lip Balm? It’s so good. Gummy bear is the best flavor. For skincare, I also recommend d’alba spray. Actual Korean skincare worn by Korean people present day. Good for dewy touchups through the day.

Viv: Guys. What are we doing this year for the *trinket* Asians? You know who I’m talking about.

Abi: For the trinket friend who loves to host, anything from my favorite Filipino artist and friend Sacha Raps! I have so many incredible pieces from her, including a stained glass parol that I hang up during the Christmas season and block printed taper candles. These hand-painted asian zodiac charms are perfect for a bestie who likes to get people together for wine nights. They come in a mystery set of 5 to attach to the stems of glasses. If they are a fan of opening blind boxes, they’ll be delighted to see which of the 12 zodiac animals they got.

Rosa: A daily tear-off calendar. Any asian grocery store worth its salt will have one.

Viv: Oh that’s a good one. For kitchen trinket stuff I’ve fallen prey to the charms of the dango chopstick rest from Mogutable and this mini taiwanese ceramic red stool.

me and my trinket asian friend enabling each other

Christine: Jade jewelry from Year 901, fun accessories from Leeann Huang, custom toilet seat from Bailey Hikawa, ceramics from my studiomate Little Match Studio, teeny tiny pet portraits from Nagisa Kamae, the girls at Maaari Co do everything right, pkkceramics, auhandmade.

Viv: I love it Christine. I have to say, it feels like we are in a golden age of Asian American ceramicists.

Chris: I'm a fan of giving friends ceramics that fit whatever their vibe is because the best gifts should feel a little studied, a little special. We usually get ours from Akil's Pots in Long Beach, CA (we used to buy in bulk and raid his discards/overflow, like a bunch of trash-digging raccoons) or tea cups from Kettl in Greenpoint (paired with a bag of loose leaf Houjicha, which feels nice and mellow; not too turbo). Home-y and useful :)

Viv: Totally. Trinkets often get conflated with clutter, but a fanciful object can also be extremely practical.

Baron: I know a guy whose go-to gift is a handmade, wooden shoehorn. He reasoned that everyone uses one if it’s there, yet no one has one. If it saves the recipient even six seconds of bending over, that compounds into time well saved—which is a kind thing to do for yourself.

I’m not a skilled woodsmith, so I can’t carve diddily, but I like the reasoning of the shoehorn as a gift—highly practical, yet highly neglected when furnishing your life with objects. If it’s there, you’ll use it, but it’ll never be the first thing the sharpie-wielding Costco lady checks on your receipt at the exit. It is a gift that gives the recipient the chance to give themselves the gift of time.

Viv: Shoehorns definitely fall under the category of objects that are useful but not particularly exciting to buy for yourself. Since I turned 30, my back is grateful for the complimentary shoehorn that came with my Freda Salvador loafers. So this is your friend’s go-to gift, but do you have a go-to gift?

Baron: Yes. My go-to gift is this: A full-on tracksuit. Matching top and bottom. Here’s why: It is the gift of identity. Let me explain.

Viv: I’m paying attention.

Baron: I am half-Korean and going by my upbringing, Koreans either wear no shoes inside or we have indoor shoes. Walk into most any Asian dwelling and the choreography is the same: Past the front door, shoes shuffle off, then go in for the greetings and the hugs. I have learned over the span of twenty-eight years that this subconscious and simple transition from outdoor to indoor shoes becomes an act of identity shift. The day is done, the public version of yourself is done. You are yourself again. Isn’t that the worthy goal of anyone? To become yourself? But we’ve all been asking since puberty, “what is me?”

The expanding social situations we participate in with time force us to be different selves—the self we are at a job, when speaking with our parents, when eating pancakes with friends, or who we are naked with a lover.

So who then, is the true, authentic self?

One might say all those separate selves make up the one, authentic self. I tell that to myself, but even that is hard to fully feel as true. I’ll walk into a room full of strangers I don’t like and I turn into a schmuck I don’t even recognize within five minutes, just to fit in. The more different my separate selves are, the greater my identity crisis grows. But at least I have my tracksuit. At least by the end of the day, I come home and take off my shoes and put on my indoor shoes, and I slip into my “home uniform,” a navy Adidas tracksuit I only wear inside. The door is closed and all those other selves are on the other side of that door, and in my uniform, I wear myself again. I come home to me.

A tracksuit is not usually worn in public—unless you are brave—and yet they are not as casual as pajamas. It’s a home fit. I’ve given dozens of tracksuits as gifts to sufficiently confused recipients over the years. From what I have heard, they are always worn. They are too comfortable not to be worn, and yet they would never get one for themselves, for they do not want to look like a Soprano. Gift someone a tracksuit.

You are not just gifting a home-fit, it is a gift that gives the recipient the chance to give themselves the gift of being themselves—whoever the hell that is.

Viv: I love the depth to your reasoning. Very cinematic storytelling. And I can’t help but think, it would be very funny if everyone you gifted a tracksuit to planned a surprise birthday party for you and all showed up in said tracksuit.

Speaking of films…I wanna know Elissa’s pick for cinephiles.

Elissa: Depending on whether they’re a minimalist or maximalist, I would get my friends the Hong Sang-soo or Greg Araki box set.

Viv: Should we end things on a luxe note?

Isabelle: To me, Norlha Atelier’s Classic Yak Khullu Scarf defines true luxury and intentional purchasing. I really admire the brand ethos and intentions. You can feel the level of care and thoughtfulness though any of the items they offer. Kim (mother) & Dechen Yeshi (daughter who is half Tibetan) are two founders that I admire in how they uplift communities and the artisans that they work with. The scarves and clothing are unmatched in quality and feel.

Arabelle: My partner and I have matching signet rings from the softgoodstudio…our Chinese names as stamps by Asian jeweler Emilie Jehng. You can also get a lil’ lactaid necklace or best friend mooncake rings—very adorable.

Ultimately you can go totally bespoke with Emilie and should. I’ve seen the most incredible custom projects from her. My ring is mirrored so I can use it as a stamp for signing my books :)

Viv: If I won the lottery I would commission a ring for each finger by Emilie. Here are some of my bookmarked pieces from Asian jewelers: nuren earrings, jade ear cuff, egg tart necklace (says sold out but taking custom orders), cut mango pendant.

Elissa: My mother is not into practical gifts; she prefers presents that are nice-to-haves. The problem is sometimes she needs those boring functional items. Like right now she keeps complaining about her broken kitchen soap dispenser but is too cheap to get a new one. Since I’m her daughter and also Asian I similarly can’t justify spending what feels like a small waste of money.

The only solution (excuse) is to buy fancy soap so she can reuse the bottle. I'm going with the Loewe Tomato Leaves or Flamingo Estate Sage.

Viv: I’m just like your mom. My wishlist is full of jewelry and clothes, but I’ve been making do with a broken can opener for the past 2 years.

Thanks for reading!

I would love to hear about your culturally-specific gifting ideas/dilemmas/norms…however you define that for yourself!

If you loved this newsletter and want more writing like this, consider supporting The Molehill as a paid subscriber or gifting it to someone special :-)

xoxo

viv

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